Antiracist Action Ideas for Parents, in Honour of Black History Month
My hands have been hovering over the keyboard for days. Typing, deleting, typing, deleting…trying to strike the right tone for this message. Why did writing this post feel so hard?
For the same reason why talking about racism feels so hard: because, as a white person who was raised to be nice/kind/respectful of everyone, regardless of their skin colour, it didn't leave much room for conversations about the causes of—and solutions for—systemic inequities. As a child and teenager growing up in rural Canada in the 80's and 90's, talking about race at all was taboo. We were raised—by good people, kind people, well-meaning people—to be colourblind, so talking about race at all felt like racism. We were taught about slavery in school, but that's as far as our education went. There were no class discussions or dinner table conversations about the systems that were created by people who look like me, to keep us at the top of the heap. There weren't any critical explorations of who was telling the stories, who was benefiting from the stories, and who was missing from the stories…whether those stories were textbooks, children's books, novels, newspapers, tv shows, movies, or the evening news.
Because I spent so long being steeped in how to do it "wrong," I want so badly to do it "right." And fear of saying the wrong thing, of doing the wrong thing, of allowing unconscious bias to blind me to what I should be doing differently…that fear can so easily lead to paralysis…to doing nothing at all.
To no longer be part of the problem, and instead be part of the solution, I needed to continually listen, unlearn, and relearn. In reading Dr. Ibram X. Kendi's book, How to Raise an Antiracist, I learned that this isn't just a matter for compassion and empathy, or simply a chance to "do the right thing." Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives aren't just to make white people feel better…they make a real difference in the quality of everyone's lives. In fact, according to the research, racism and racial segregation don't just harm people of colour…they harm white people too. The reverse is also true, because diverse organizations are more economically successful and have more engaged employees. According to Dr. Kendi, the impact is felt in schools as well because, "Graduates of diverse schools are more effective in their careers and are more likely to thrive within our multiracial, multicultural world. The mounting evidence is clear: Diverse schools make all our kids smarter."
So, where to begin? For me, it's by harnessing my position as a parent educator and parenting coach, because my audience is full of parents who love their children more than life itself, and who want to raise them well. As Dr. Kendi pointed out in How to Raise an Antiracist, children as young as three months old begin to show a preference for the faces that they see the most often, so the earlier that parents embark on a journey of antiracism, the better.
Dr. Kendi offers a wealth of information and strategies throughout his many books, but the three that resonated most strongly for me are as follows:
For young children, "childproofing" your toybox and book shelf to protect against racism, in the same way that you childproof your home to protect against harm. This means ensuring that the books, games, music, toys and dolls in your home reflect the beautiful diversity of the world.
For older children and teens, ensure that the tv shows, movies, books, and social media content they consume encompass a variety of perspectives, and that the voices they hear are representative of the multiracial and multicultural world. Even more importantly, engage with them as a family. Using a scenario you watch together on tv as a springboard for conversation feels a lot more natural than sitting down to have "a talk" about racism, and as you get more comfortable, so will your children and teens.
Regardless of the ages of your kids, encouraging them to ask questions, to think critically about whether something is racist or antiracist, and to engage in conversations that are difficult or uncomfortable rather than shutting down.
The most important lesson I've learned is that I don't need to be an expert on racism and antiracism, and neither do you as a parent. We simply have to be open to learning, to finding out more information together with the kids and teens in our lives, and to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Here are a few of the resources I've personally read or watched and recommend, to begin or continue your learning journey:
How to Raise an Antiracist, Dr. Ibram X. Kendi
How to Be a (Young) Antiracist, Kendi
Stamped from the Beginning (Netflix documentary)
Motherhood so White, Nefertiti Austin
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, Beverly Daniel Tatum
Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims
And for an extensive list of resources by people who know a lot more than I do, including children's books, click here: https://www.guidedparentingsupport.com/media-and-resources
Kate Garzón, M.Ed. is a "GPS" for the parents of toddlers through teens! A parent educator and parenting coach who helps parents solve frustrating behaviors—and raise great humans—by focusing on relationship-building, understanding development, and skill-building. You can find her at www.guidedparentingsupport.com or on social media @guidedparentingsupport.
